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From Issue: Volume XXI - Number 26

By Jay Beeler

Whew. Another Christmas has come and gone. As I like to share with others in the office, this is the time of year when all the retailers dance around the cash register and sing “What a friend we have in Jesus!”

When you reach senior wise person status we seem to have the same things in common: (1) we don’t need any gifts, (2) if we needed something, we certainly would not wait until Christmas to get it, (3) it is best to limit all gift giving to three items – as initially demonstrated by three other wise men: gold, frankincense and myrrh.

My favorite thing about Christmas is having the family together, breaking bread and sharing lots of laughs about memorable occasions while sitting in the Jacuzzi. (It helps to imbibe on eggnog or wine while doing this.) This year we got to see our almost-two-year-old granddaughter join the festivities and delight in her many gifts; that experience is priceless.

Next we’ll begin the three-month “silly season” of posturing for political office.

Already a candidate for city prosecutor, Rosemary Chavez, has called for offing the head of the current city prosecutor, Doug Haubert, for listing the city prosecutor’s office number on his re-election material, even though I’ve yet to see it. Certainly if I had the job of prosecuting the bottom-feeders of society I would be very guarded about passing out my private phone numbers as well as a home address.

This pales in comparison with the 2010 inside City Hall law firm of Dumb and Dumber – Tom Reeves and Tim O’Reilly – whom I had the displeasure of observing in a courtroom in 2008 and whom I had the pleasure of driving out of political office by simply reporting their many misdeeds.

Then Assistant Prosecutor O’Reilly attempted to fill the city prosecutor office being vacated by Reeves as he ran for city attorney. O’Reilly plastered Long Beach with political signs without asking for landowner permission in clear violation of the city’s ordinance.

In 2008 I watched as they allowed false testimony, engaged in prosecutorial misconduct, malicious prosecution and obstruction of justice. Reeves misappropriated $1.3 million in public funds to have a plush City Hall office. The city prosecutor’s office is in much better hands under Haubert than those other two incompetent clowns.

In the coming months we look forward to attending a few candidate forums, meeting one-on-one with some and reading what others have to say about them. When I go into the polling booth I want to be very knowledgeable about those capable for the positions they seek. And in some cases I’ll share some of those thoughts with you, our readers.

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And the jokes just keep on comin’ thanks to a reader close to the North Pole:

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?”

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Not a lot of people know this.

Happy Holidays from the Beachcomber.